anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
