If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
ttyl tear gas
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
