we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
