Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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