I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
