Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
