not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
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