weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
