idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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