he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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