um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
