I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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