yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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