They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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