my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
