My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
