well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
