rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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