The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
