chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
worst night to have a conscience
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
