Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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