U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
