O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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