His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
