Me too!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
