I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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