i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
