The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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