I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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