Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
