drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
two words...techno handjob
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize