I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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