My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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