Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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