i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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