so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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