Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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