I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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