There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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