I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
he just fucked me for my cheese..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
