I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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