My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
