It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
