Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
