Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize