God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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