i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
