you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
