Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
