Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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