hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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