We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
