You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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