Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The best revenge is premature balding
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
