he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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