my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
