You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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