I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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