Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
