I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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