to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize