and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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