speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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