she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
