im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
